7/20/08

watch out

allow the following tale to serve as a PSA for all the crazy bitches of lower manhattan: if you are on drugs and acting nuts, i will react. with palms of fury.

friday night was the bye-bye partay from my sister's boyf (be nice to teenz if you see her this week, he is movin across the country for school and she is sad). drinks were at a bar i would not normally go to as it is on lafayette and that holds a high douche factor. but it's a party for smeone a like who is the boyfriend of someone i love and SO. i go.

me and michael (the bf..blog debut? it's a good one.) were there having a drink by ourselves, waiting for the VERY LATE TEENZ AND HER BF CREW (ahem.)

we noticed this LUNATIC who was with a group of friends. she kept walking to the center of the room and getting down on the DIRTY-ASS BAR FLOOR, and laying like she was praying to mecca, and rubbing her hands all over the ground. this was your average annoying looking chick, but after doing this twice AND getting yelled at by the bartender with zero reaction, it was kinnndaaaa clear that bitch was on drugs. ecstacy? acid? unclear. she was bonkertownz tho.

the party was happening, we were drinking, chatting, enjoying ourselves. i noticed her rubbing against walls and other inanimate objects, and kinda kept her in my peripherals, just for amusement factor.

then.

then?

bitch got outta control. i am sitting on a bench, my boyfriend on my left, my sister on my right. i see her coming towards us. she put an arm around MY MAN AND WENT IN TO KISS HIS NECK. DON'T WORRY, it didn't HAPPEN because:

I PALMED HER FACE LIKE A FUCKING BASKETBALL AND SHOVED HER

i swear to god, i have NO IDEA where that came from. i have never been physical like that with anyone in MY LIFE ! i said, what the FUCK are you doing? druggy mcshtonerroller looked at me all dazed and said, uh, we were having a hugging contest.



the DOMINICAN SPICE RAGE came outta me and i gave her a fucking ROSIE PEREZ POINTER FINGER WAVE and said, "well do it somewhere else" plus t-bonz was all dominican raged up and saying like, what hay-ell is wrong with you, dude? get out of here. michael was like, ummm what the fuck just happened? how did you even see her coming towards us?

i was in a rage for about 2 minutes, then i couldn't stop laughing about it. i palmed her FACE. whaaat? haaahahah, omg. t-bonz took the pic above, of looney tunes hightailing it out of the bar, to go commune with fire hydrants and rub up against parking meters. next time, i'm crackin skulls.

12 comments:

Ivan Berko said...

Amazing.
love
ivan
ps
my phone is on

sleepyhead said...

OMG ELIZABETH! hahaha, i can't believe you palmed her face, that shit is hilarious. but bitches is crazy and they ask for it. its nice when that latin temper comes in handy, eh? sometimes mine flares up out of nowhere as well.

i'm still laughing about "druggy mcshtonerroller". if that happened to me i woulda been all over a bitch. kudos to you!

ohsarah said...

oh my god.
that's amazing.
the phrase will no longer be "i'm gonna cut a bitch."
it'll be "i'm gonna palm a bitch!"

hahahahahahahaa.

xx,
sarah

laia. said...

bahaha. people should know better than to mess with the latin temperz.

i also imagined her like peter griffin on ecstacy but a woman version of him. it made everything even funnier.

brendan donnelly said...

DUDE THAT CHICK WAS MY SISTER! she called me to say some fiery dominican shoved her face! how dare you

jk, lol. brb, m/27/LA, wanna cyber?

(for more woman fightin anthems listen to Loretta Lynn "fist city" download it right now on itunes! i been playing this on loop. what happened to women like this? you're carrying the torch.

ps
I FUCKIN MISS YOU!!!!

KATLIN said...

Hah! I am waiting for the day when instinct takes over sensibility and I do this. I feel it once in awhile, but fighting is one thing I hate people doing when I'm out (it makes no sense to me), but it would feel good to do this! :)

hard liquor; soft holes said...

NEON NAILED FINGER WAVESSSSSS. i wish there was some paparazzi there to catch the insanity!

'WAT U DOIN WIT MY MAN? WAT IS A QUINCE?'

Enfievre said...

oh grrl, im so proud of you! i love this story.

Mike Tyson said...

you should have bit her ears off, i would have done the same

edgecakes said...

ooopsyyyy doopsy face palm dooops. i can so see your "bitch please" lips-pursing with hairy eyeball and no-you-di'ent eyebrow raise. sometimes bitches just need to know when it's time to SLOW THE ROLL.

besos y fotos: the virtual sketchbook said...

this is by far my favorite story in awhile!
i love a good finger pont.
god bless you, your nails, your t-bonz, your man, and your 'tude.

can't wait to see you love!
xx

elizabeth said...

thanks for the SUPPORT everyone!!!!..i swear, i'm a lover, not a fighter.

i just can't handle crazytown biznatches all up in my man's grill. it's quite simple, really.

ya know?

Related Posts with Thumbnails